Rambling

Time does not seem to work as a factor.
I fail to fit in this spoonless world.
or I am told so on one of the these fine days,
When potatoes get baked and eggs fried.

I failed a many times, and
effort does not seem to work as a factor.
What was desired were sweet pancakes,
or I am told so on one of those fair days.

Bye Bye 2011

To an year where nothing much really happened, besides adding heavily to the list of "should have". The only effort that I'll probably be making in 2012, is to not make any efforts. #paradox1. But then life was such in 2011, kept throwing back paradoxes at me. Anyways, for a person like me who constantly suffers from Analysis paralysis, making less effort is the least I can do. #paradox2. For instance this rant, which is/will be devoid of any proper punctuations.

Its been lovely 2 months at my mum's place with her and my baby girl. To be honest, I don't even remember how time flew by. All, I seem to remember is what my gynae said sometime in June "She is a small baby, we need to get the baby out as soon as possible". I shed a few tears not knowing why was she a small baby. What went missing.
Not that this judging myself has ended in any way. I know I am not "the perfect mother", but here she is, 6 months old, vibrant and a joy to each one of my days. I love her.

Its time to head back now. I start off 2012 with no plans, only hopes. Hoping that its a better one.

Rain Rain go away

There is no sun, no sunshine.
Everything is wet and damp and cold.
Even my warm cup of milk at 4 in the morn does not stay warm enough.
and I hate it.
:(
waiting for summers already

Rant

This does not looks like a good start to 2011 professionally. Slow change in senior leadership which started last year end and slowly trickling down. Today reached the level which it directly impacts what I work on.
Not feeling too happy about it.
And on a separate note, feeling that I am slowly becoming a slave of consumerism.
Wondering how needs and desires transform into one another. Hoping they are reversible in my case.
Are they ?

Week so far

• Worked almost 12 - 15 hours every day.

• Slept less than 5 every day.

• Woke up everyday at 7 had a warm cup of tea and looked at the sky.

• Realized that my body will give up if I continue like that.

• Accepted the proposal of partying Friday night

• Drank and had shots in the Hard Rock Cafe

• Poured my heart out to a female colleague on how life has been changing.                                                                                     (And how it seems to make sense after all)

• Continued partying and dancing at colleague's place

• Getting surprised seeing S dance.

• Happy that S starts on a new adventure starting Monday

• But most importantly 

         knowing
         that I still know myself.

Working long

I am so damn sleepy. I just finished doing some office work. Getting the creeps now, that I might have screwed it up.

However it all went fine. - 12th May

Please do not gift

Yesterday, a close relative who is visiting us, decided to gift me a dress material. The kinds that I never wore, and never will. Whilst, in my head I was wondering where to dispose it off, the word that came out of my mouth was a feeble "Thanks". The worst part is that it seems to happen almost always with me. Is there any way of sending signals to friends/ family such as the one above. :(

Feeling, Back

It is almost 15 minutes to 3 am in Bangalore. I type these words as I feel the moist wind on the 6th floor of an apartment complex where my husband and I are staying as of now. I have an office to reach at 9 tomorrow morning and there are no signs of sleep. I wonder how many more men/ women would there be like me, wondering about life at these odd hours when all that is visible is the sleepy city's high rise buildings. Yea, the buildings seem very sleepy and the few trees that exist by their side are exhausted. I do not like this wetness which stuffs up my nose and lungs and makes breathing hard for me, especially in the night. The doctors call it allergy and I will take time to get used to it, perhaps the medicines will make it easier in the coming days. I have opened my windows wide and the ceiling fan is doing its job.

I am back.

P.S. I miss USA and it is 3 am now.

Roll on

I woke up seeing a crazy insect scurrying in front of my eyes. Fuck, I later realized that the poor guy would be more scared than I was. Well, I have been having my lows. Have not been really feeling my hundred percent. Let me explain you what that feeling exactly means in a little detail and a little scientifically. Lets say that we compress the size of the day from 24 to 6 hours and I fast forward whatever I do four times to fit into the day, what we get here is an output which is 16 times of what I am producing as of now. Well, I might not be completely accurate in the mathematics, but I think, I have roughly conveyed what I am looking for.
I did some random drawings today and helped S with some of his research diagrams. I havent completed them, will need to sit for some more time on it with him. They are 3 D diagrams on his research related to distributed networks. That s the closest I am these days to the world of IT.